Cybersex and so–called "virtual affairs" have come under scrutiny by those who are involved in marriage counseling both in the Church and in the secular community, as a growing concern in fuelling marital breakdown today.

But the truly fertile ground for dangerous emotional attachments outside marriages is much more conventional: the workplace.

As more employees labor longer hours together, close friendships increasingly are taken for granted. And as more women move into professions once dominated by men, there are greater temptations for both sexes.

The new infidelity is between people who unwittingly form deep, passionate connections before realizing that they've crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love.

Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matt: 5:27

Adultery does not have to be sexual. Sometimes the greatest betrayals happen without touching. Infidelity, unfaithfulness, adultery is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust. It is the harboring or allowing something into your heart that is not meant to be there and is contrary to the Word or wishes of God.

People are incredibly devastated by their partner's emotional affair. They separate over it, they divorce over it, because it is a breaking of trust – a breaking of a sacred and intimate bond between a husband and a wife.

A platonic friendship, such as those that grow at work, edges into an emotional affair when three elements are present:
Emotional intimacy. Transgressors share more of their "inner self," their frustrations and their triumphs with their "friend" than with their spouses. They are on a slippery slope when they begin sharing the dissatisfaction with their marriage with a co-worker.

Secrecy and deception. They neglect to say, "we meet every morning for coffee." Once the lying starts, the intimacy shifts further away from the marriage.

Sexual chemistry. Even though the two may not act on the chemistry, there is at least an unacknowledged sexual attraction.

These things can happen during the coffee break at work. At lunch, in an Internet chat room. With a co-worker, with a spouse's friend. All of these areas, if they are not checked and kept in balance, can leave you vulnerable and on slippery ground heading towards a physical manifestation of the inner sin.

There is no such thing as an affair-proof marriage, because we are all fallen and broken people. But there are things we can do concerning our marriage, as with any area in our life, which can reduce the probability of one ever happening.

A friend who was an alcoholic once asked me how I beat the bottle. I simply replied "if you don't have a drink, you'll never get drunk."

Along those same lines, here are nine things that can help to keep your marriage healthy.

Stay honest with your partner: Honesty is key in preventing affairs. Make a commitment to sharing your attractions and temptations. That helps to avoid acting on them. Dishonesty and deception cause affairs to flourish. You may have a good, solid, same-sex Christian friend with whom you are able to share these issues. Or you may have the strength in your marriage to sit down and talk to your spouse. If your marriage isn't strong enough, then I urge you to take the steps you need to get it to such a place that it is strong enough to handle the stress and strain of life in the real world.

Monitor your marriage: Realize if there is something missing and be willing to try to fix it. Assess if each partner's needs are met. Remember that the premise of marriage is two becoming one flesh. That means that you both have to die to at least 50% of who you are in order to make the thing work.

Stay alert for temptations: Be very careful about getting involved with someone else in the first place. Know the dangers. You can be drawn to an affair as to a drug. And once you are past a certain point of emotional connection, it is very hard to go into reverse.

Don't flirt: Flirting is never innocent in any friendship / relationship. Its motive is to entice and titillate – and often becomes the bridge between playing around and fooling around. Flirting is how affairs start!!!

Recognize that work can be a danger zone: Don't go to lunch or take private coffee breaks with the same person all the time. If you find yourself eagerly looking forward to their voice, their words, their affirmations – you are already in trouble!

Beware of the lure of the Internet: Emotional affairs often develop quickly, in perhaps a few days or weeks online, where it might take a year at the office. There is a sense of safety and vulnerability behind the computer screen. You "talk" to the stranger in a way and about things you would not talk to anybody else. And it is all done in private. Simply ask yourself this question: Would I be doing this with my wife / husband looking over my shoulder?

Keep old flames from re-igniting: If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with "an old flame." If they really want to get together, make sure you take the wife and kids and leave your "pillow hair" on.

Value the intimacy of your marriage: Reveal as much of yourself to your spouse as possible. You will find it less necessary to form an intimate friendship with someone else if you have intimacy with your partner.

Make sure your social network supports marriage: Surround yourself with happily-married friends who don't believe in fooling around. If your marriage is going through crisis, make sure you're not going to see someone who hates the opposite sex, has never had a stable marriage and is from a broken background themselves. Ask the questions. I am surprised at how many people take advice from so-called "experts" who don't have a clue about the practical applications of what they are talking about.

Get help while you can: Beccy and I have been married for 16 years now – but we only count 15, the first year was the year from HELL!!! I was praying God would kill her, and she was praying I would run off with someone else! But we stuck it out, we never entertained divorce, and we got some input. We sought Godly counsel and resources ourselves and renewed our minds through the Word of God and great CHRISTIAN resources. One that I would particularly recommend is a book called "Communication, Sex and Money – the three issues that can make or break a marriage" by a dear friend, Dr. Ed Cole. These are the VERY teachings that helped Beccy and I all those years ago.

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